Dateline WASHINGTON DC July 13, 2009 – Sad news rocked the political world today as the report of the untimely and seemingly violent death of ‘prompter icon TOTUS the First, even with make-shift shines that have spontaneously sprung up across America and the multiple tributes planned for this sudden loss of a ‘prompter icon TOTUS an air of mystery still surrounds the unexpected death of the TOTUS the First and unverified early reports say it was suspected suicide due to the pressure of constantly misleading the American people that he loved so much. Other reports say in recent days the TOTUS had been seen “out of it” or “high” and more observer was reported as saying “He just seemed stoned all the time.” It had become apparent in recent weeks that the TOTUS was at times despondent and reluctant to perform often losing his place or failing to scroll properly, a White House insider speaking on the condition of anonymity reported hear rather heated argument coming for the inter sanctum of the Oval Office between POTUS and TOTUS as one insider said hearing the POTUS say “You’ve got to get off the crack, baby I know I’ve been there.” This had led some to believe foul play could have been afoot with all eyes on Rombo Emmanuel and his endless badgering and ridicule driving the TOTUS to his demise. Witnesses at the scene said ‘it was surprising and unexpected, he seemed fine and the nicest TOTUS you’d ever meet, he was the last ‘prompter I’d expect this from, it was really quite disturbing to see.” Shortly after the event government official said the psychologist had been brought in to help those that witness “this event” as they are calling to deal with any lingering emotional trauma. A clearly shaken and emotional charged Mrs. TOTUS was reported as saying “They did this to him! They drove if over the edge… those bastards! He was fine until HE came along.” as she sobbed uncontrollably. It is unclear who Mrs TOTUS was referring to when she said “HE” many say it was no other than the POTUS himself, calls to Mrs. TOTUS’s resident went unanswered as of this evening.
Heir apparent TOTUS the Second (TOTUS II) could not be reached for comment, but he spokesman released a statement saying he was “deeply sadden and his thoughts and prayers went out to the TOTUS I family at this difficult time.”
Official cause of death is pending an autopsy results, investigators have no comment.
More here…
Requiem for a teleprompter
Tragedy at the White House: TOTUS destroyed; Update: Video added
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Alas, poor Totus – we knew him well. Totus I suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. His untimely demise bodes ill for Totus II.